Feeling Confused About Pet Loss?

Schmedley was a beagle mixed with a german shepherd. I always joked that his beagle personality wanted to run away but the shepherd would feel bad about it.

I got Schmedley from a rummage sale. He was sitting in a much too big kennel with a sign that said dog with cage 25 dollars.

I asked the owners to let him out. He did 10 laps around the yard as fast as he could. He was 10 weeks old at the time. I thought I could find him a good home. Twenty-four hours later...

I made all my dog training mistakes with Schmedley. I started those mistakes off by tying him to my porch and letting neighborhood kids taunt him. Well, at the time they just wanted to play with him and try to teach him to fetch sticks off the porch, but I did not realize the issue this was creating.

Sure enough, Schmedley started to dislike children. I learned that his growling would be a problem I had to manage for the rest of his life.

Schmedley was one of those dogs that never ran off. In fact, I didn't even know dogs ran off until I was introduced to the Alaskan Husky.

He was also one of those dogs that you could let out the door, go inside the house, and hours later would find sleeping on the front porch three feet from where you let him out.

Of course there was the time he ran inside the neighbors house chasing their cat...

Or the time he chased the egg laying hens all over the farm we were housesitting...

And then there was the time he was skunked and my roomate let him back into the house without a bath...

Through the years Schmedley was my constant companion. No matter what relationship was starting or ending in my life, Schmedley was along for the ride.

The Day You Died

I had always known you would die one day, but it was the way you were going to leave that I imagined most.

I imagined us finishing the perfect day together, walking and talking in our favorite way.

I imagined you passing on in your sleep with me napping next to you. I imagined I would wake up, and you would not.

I imagined I would come home one day and find you in your favorite spot, peacefully not breathing.

I imagined you would look at me with now is the time, and I would know exactly what to do.

But it did not happen the way I imagined.

I forgot to imagine you growing old. Your body breaking down as old bodies do.

I never imagined you unable to go on that walk, or unable to hear when I spoke to you.

I did not imagine you refusing to pass in your sleep. Holding onto life, as I was holding onto you.

I did not imagine your far away gaze, or not knowing what to do.

I refused to imagine choosing the day you died, or how choosing might feel.

But I did.

And I would do it again if you needed me to because this is about the cycle of life, and not my imagination.

I thought because I had so much experience with pet loss while working with animal rescue, shelters, and veterinary clinics, I was better prepared for my own pet loss.

In matters of the heart, experience is really the only judge. Especially for the feelings that arise during pet loss.

Share A Favorite Memory

Schmedley passed away the first week of January 2006. We still miss him and he is always in our thoughts.

These days our stories about Schmedley have changed from sad ones to funny ones, and we find ourselves laughing more than crying.

My husband does this ridiculous growl that he uses to imitate Schmedley and we find ourselves sharing a moment of silence and appreciation.

I invite you to share your favorite story about a special dog that has passed on. It will be included as a web page right here on this website. You can include a picture, a poem, or just your favorite memory.

ONE WEEK, ONE DAY... Not rated yet
My sweet Carly, it has only been one week, one day since you left my side

But yet I still feel your presence

You'll always be in my heart

I too ...

My kids Not rated yet
Thank you so much for your poem of the passing of Schmedley. So many times have many of us thought and experienced the same thing.

I lost my first in ...

Confusion and Guilt and Normal During Pet Loss

The Day You Died

Share A Favorite Memory

What Other Visitors Have Said